The lives We Live
by publicpunkperson
Summary: What college might be like for Amy and Ephram.
1. fate takes its hand for romance

When it came time to pick colleges earlier in the year Ephram had been frantic trying to decide whether he wanted to go back to New York, stay in Colorado or go somewhere else. When it came time Ephram realized if he left to go somewhere else other than Colorado he would be uprooting himself just like his father did. He also had to keep Delia in mind. She would be entering the 7th grade, when he would have his first year of college. Delia and him had gotten very close now. She didn't have many friends, which made her depend on Ephram more, but he didn't mind. He just didn't want to hurt her when he left. When it came time for him to make a choice between his old home, New York and his new one he knew that his future was here in Colorado. All the seniors at Ephram's high school where becoming highly agitated as college choices where being made. Their deadline was rushing to a finish. Everyone was jumpy and a sort of stressful tension was in the air. Ephram watched his fellow seniors in turmoil and he was happy he had come to a final decision. Denver University here I come. Since he was going to major in music he had to send in an audition tape of him playing what else but the piano. He ran to the outside of the guidance counselor's office to put himself down for a time to be seen by her.  
  
Amy already knew where she was going for the longest time. Denver University had a great dance program and many Broadway dancers had come out of Denver. The only problem was getting in. If they just based admittance on her dancing then there would be no problem, but they counted grades to and that was not her area of expertise. In her sophomore year her grades had slipped drastically what with Colin being in a coma and her dealings with Ephram. Her junior year had been filled with angst getting over Colin leaving for California. His parents had decided that Colin was not doing well here in Everwood because he was putting to much stress on himself to remember who he used to be. Her senior year was filled with her trying to find herself again. She had trouble becoming Amy after being Colin's girlfriend for so long. She seeked refuge with Ephram because he never saw her as Colin's girlfriend, she was always Amy to him. But Ephram had his own business to do and even though he said he accepted her apology for casting him aside for Colin she knew he still couldn't let go of all the hurt. Maybe she could start a new life for herself in Denver.  
  
Forms and applications where sent out to college by all the students except the few slackers that roamed the high school halls. Throughout the course of the summer, acceptance letters where a highly awaited thing. Amy would run to the mailbox everyday to see if there was anything there for her and each day she returned a little more frightened of the future. Ephram would try to Psyche himself up telling himself that he had average grades and his playing was good enough to be accepted. But a little worry kept manifesting itself in the pit of his stomach.  
  
"Ephram, come her hurry", shouted his dad loudly as he was returning from their mailbox, "there's a letter in here to you from Denver University". He grabbed the letter from his dad's hands and tore it open. He paused a minute, running thoughts through his head and unfolded the papers. He read for a lien or few and looked up at his father. "Well", his father said expectantly. "I'm going to college", Ephram shouted loudly so Nina next- door heard and raced over to congratulate Ephram. "Oh Ephram I was out gardening and I hear you got in that's wonderful news. Where are you going to"? "I'm off to the Denver University on August 31st", Ephram exclaimed loudly. Many thought of happiness where washing down on Ephram as he called to tell his grandparents he made into not only a college but the college he had hoped for.  
  
The days came and went as Amy sat around the house cleaning areas multiple times waiting for either a letter of acceptance or of rejection. One Tuesday afternoon Amy went out to the mailbox and promptly in between the Water bill and a note from her grandma Alice was a letter addressed from Denver University. She rushed inside to open it not calling anyone to tell them of its arrival for fear of being turned down. She grabbed a letter opener form her mom's desk and sliced the letter open. She skimmed the first few lines and shouted a loud squeal. Her mom came running down the stairs yelling to Amy asking her what was wrong and all Amy did was hand her the letter. "Oh honey that's fabulous you got in to the University. We have to go get you some college stuff now."  
  
Authors note: boring know but I need it to add things to the plot. 


	2. The happening scene

I entered Mama Joy's with my Dad right behind me with Delia's. "Dad, I don't think their open. It's kind of well desolate, what with it being all dark and all." Ephram their open, trust me, maybe their just having a little power problem", Dr. Brown stated in a calm fashion. "Whatever you say Dad", I said as I went to open the door and the familiar ding, ding noise that alerted the workers that they had a new group of costumers went on. As he was about to open the door he heard his father greeting someone. He turned around and found himself facing all the Abbott's. His father and Dr. Abbott began quickly arguing about some new thing as the usually did. Bright passed by stopping briefly to give Ephram a noogie while saying "What's up freak?" Amy and her mom then came by. Amy stopped opened her mouth and then shut it realizing she had nothing to say and continued on her way. Quickly the suggestion of sharing a table was put on the table and despite the feelings of the two doctors they all agreed to sit down at one large table. Mrs. Abbott just shook her head knowing this dinner would not be a quiet one. Amy stopped me in front of the door. "Um hey I was wondering how you where doing. I mean I know we haven't exactly talked in a while. I mean we've both been really busy." Yeah busy I muttered under my breath. More like both of us avoiding each other. I didn't try to get away from her or not see her; it's just that every time I talk to her a get this warm chill up my spine and these feelings just spring forth. When I don't see her or talk to her I can hide them more easily and the pain of knowing that she will never care for me is easier to deal with and accept. "Yeah well I'm uh doing fine just getting ready for college", I said, thinking that I just had to get out of here. "Yep I know how it is. Mom and I have been really busy buying stuff and getting me ready", Amy chirped trying to sound as normal as possible. But I could feel the awkwardness rising all around us. Then she added, "well we best be going inside before they just give up and leave us here. I'm starving."  
We continued inside and looked around for are families but we couldn't see anyone in view. All the booths and tables where empty and it was still pitch black inside the restaurant. All of a sudden there was a stirring in the store and the light switch flipped on. A great uproar rang as all Amy and my friends and family shouted,"farewell Amy and Ephram". I looked up and there was a sign in blue and gold, wishing Amy and me good luck at Denver University. I looked at Amy in surprise, "you're going to Denver University to"? "Yeah, I'm my gosh where going to the same college this is going to rock. I was so afraid of not knowing anyone there", Amy stated excitedly. "Well it's a big school we probably won't even see each other, I said hoping that that wasn't true. Amy looked at me like I had just rejected her or something.  
"Amy, Hun, come here, what do you want to eat", asked Amy's mom expectantly. Amy walked away without even a goodbye leaving me again, when someone else came along. She began milling with the large crowd of family and friends and soon disappeared from my sight. I walked over to my grandparents and said the normal things and answered the normal questions for various people. "Where are you going to college?" And do you have a girlfriend yet honey"? Relatives handed out scattered amounts of money to aide me through my next four years. But no matter who I was talking to or how much money I got I couldn't get the dejected look on Amy's face out of my mind. Why did I have to be such an idiot? Why couldn't I be normal? I mean here was a hot girl, I mean a nice girl. Oh what the hell, she's hot. I know it everyone knows it. Anyways here was a hot girl who was willing to stand next to me and even talk to me. Why couldn't I just be happy? But no I had to go and ruin it all by being an ass to one of the only friends I had here in this place. I sat down at the nearest stool and contemplated my awful socialization skills. Soon a tired looking Amy came to sit next to me.  
"Well today was exciting. How much money did you scrape by with", she questioned? "Enough to get me by for the rest of my life", I spoke not really concentrating on the words that where coming out of my mouth, but the lip gloss that was spread on her lips. "Ephram, what are you looking at? Uh oh, caught. "Um nothing I'm just think about some stuff, like the future", I squeaked out knowing she wouldn't believe a word I said. My adam's apple bobbed nervously.  
Meanwhile the crowd began dissipating and soon are families where beckoning us out the doors to go home. "Ephram, um tomorrow would you like to and do something tomorrow. I mean in two days we leave for college and I just want to have a day to remember Everwood by and your really the only one I can see doing that with", Amy stated. "Yeah sure how about I come by at 10", I said in a decisive tone that came out much more sure than I was. She nodded yes and I opened the door to my car and hopped in. "See you tomorrow", I said at her turning figure. Her hand came up in a wave goodbye. A little wave of nervousness found it's way into my stomach. I mean what happened if I messed everything up again. What happens if I kiss her? No I don't even want to think about that. I'm so not in control of my emotions its not even funny. I jabbed the keys into the ignition and took off leaving all my worries at Mama Joy's parking lot. 


	3. soft rememberance

"Uhhh, Bright just shut up already", I yell downstairs to my brother, who is just digging his grave deeper. He went out with Suzie parks now he has to pay the price, but do we all have to hear about it? Soon the house became peaceful again. To peaceful for my liking. I rolled over on my bed and grabbed the remote to my stereo, and pressed the on button. Selecting one of the old CD's Ephram had left at my house and I didn't have the heart to give back to him. Blasts of Audioslaves, "Like A Stone", came out the speakers and chased away all the confusing thoughts in my mind. But the thoughts soon came spiraling back. Why can't things between Ephram and I just be normal? A girl and a guy can just be friends right? But did I just want to be friends with someone who every time I was near, gave me excited shivers and made my heart feel like it was about to pound out of chest. But it was just an attraction. I mean Ephram is really handsome and had there not been Colin in the picture, than her and he may be together right now. I laid my head down on my pillows and reached underneath my bed to find my old picture album. I opened it at the beginning and let the pictures take me back into the memories of when the shots had been taken. The first few pages where of my family and I on a few different vacations. Then came the Colin chronicles. I turned the page to the one with us on Valentine's Day. The year before the accident happened. I was looking into Colin's eyes and he was looking into mine. I can still remember that certain sparkle he had in his eyes. But when I saw him after the accident I should have known he wasn't the same person. He didn't have that sparkle in his eye anymore.  
How can things change so drastically? One minute I had a life I was fairly content with the next I'm living my life in a hospital. How many girls can say they know how many dots are on the ceiling of a hospital room. Ephram understood though. When my parents couldn't see why I had to be near Colin, when Bright couldn't look at Colin because of the tremendous guilt he felt and when Colin's mom wouldn't let me see my own boyfriend Ephram had been there. I should have been there in return for him. I ditched him and casted him aside as soon as Colin came back into the picture. The reason being now that I can see without a buyist mind is that I was scared. I felt safe with Colin and thought that I owed it to be there for him. If I admitted my feelings to Ephram I would be in uncharted territories and I didn't know how to handle that. So I avoided him and treated him badly so he would stay away. So that the threatening feelings of like and love would not come up again and again. I'm still in love with him. I've been falling more and more in love with him every time I here his voice and see his eyes. It doesn't matter now though. It's obvious that Ephram has moved on. How could he possibly even think about me in any way, after the way I have treated him. I flipped to the back few pages of the book and looked at the pictures of Ephram and me. I guess memories of him are all I have now. I ran my finger over the picture of Ephram and me at prom. He had been so adorable asking me to go with him. He hung a banner outside of school in an area of where I go past everyday. I thought I had slipped into some kind of dream world. But I had to go and make another mistake. Oh we got to the dance all right but the evening ended in a fight, as usual between Ephram and me. He told me all about how he felt when his mother died and how he felt when Colin came back. Then I kissed him and he kissed back. It was all well and good until Bright came by who was there with his younger girlfriend and asked me what the hell did I think I was doing. I explained to Bright in simple way so he would understand that we where kissing. He answered by taking a hasty swing at Ephram. But over his years at County high Ephram had learned the skill of ducking. It through Bright off balance and he went toppling into the nearest punchbowl. Bright quickly stood up and more fighting ensued that left Bright with a black eye and Ephram with a cut up lip and fractured arm. I went to grab Bright before anything else could happen and took him out of there. I thought I was doing Ephram favor but I guess he didn't see it that way. He came out to the parking lot yelling at me for taking Bright away. "Amy you don't need to protect me. I'm a big boy who knows how to protect himself. You're to late to protect me now. You want to guard me from something guard me form you. Because your the only one that has ever truly hurt me". All I could do was stand there as he raced away forgetting his car at the parking lot and running down the sidewalk.  
The only time we had talked since then had been at the farewell party. God I missed him so much. Why couldn't I just go back and take everything back that was bad that I had ever said to him. If I had to choose between Colin and Ephram, Ephram would always be the winner. I gave Colin the key to my heart but Ephram had always had it. He knew exactly what to say and with one touch he could make me feel alive again. I need Ephram in my life. I just have to have him there; otherwise there isn't any point on me being alive.  
"Amy, Hun its time to leave for Denver". My father yelled upstairs to me. Well I guess only time will tell me if Ephram and I are meant to be. I hurried downstairs. I took one look around my house and hustled out the door. Goodbye Everwood, I'll be back. 


	4. Nocturnal emissions

"Ephram, being alone with you in this ice cream shop, it makes me feel so aroused". "Aroused", I questioned Amy? "It just makes me want to take this chocolate ice cream and rub it all over you and lick it back up again." "Amy are you feeling okay", I looked at her expectantly? She just smiled at me as though she was keeping a secret that I would soon find out.  
"Or are you more of a vanilla type", Amy whispered. I sputtered out some random noises that seemed to just feed her fire because she began towards me. Licking my neck and smiling a sly smile up at me. She leaned close and spoke something softly in my ear but I didn't catch the exact words just the jest and I giggled like a little schoolboy when it registered.  
"You want to do that here..now"? "Oh Ephram, Ephram. Aren't there any fantasies you want me to play out? I mean your head must be swelling with the possibilities", Amy said absent mindedly as her fingers nimbly undid the buttons on my plaid shirt.  
"Um I know something that is swelling", I said as I came to the realization that something was becoming a little more stiffened than usual. I turned to look into her eyes as she leaned in and kissed me softly and than harder. A buzzing began to fill the air I looked around trying to see what it was but it kept getting louder and louder.  
All of a sudden I was lying firmly in my bed with my bedspread at my feet. I looked down and let out a loud groan. "Oh fuck". At least I missed the covers this time. I am way to old to be dealing with this kind of crap. Since when had Amy taken back over my mind? She shouldn't be the one making cameo appearances in my imagination's sex life.  
Thank god no one is home. I passed trying to fine another pair of clothes. I stripped out of my umm..soiled clothes and walked down the hall to the shower. Grabbing a towel out of the nearby closet. I closed the door and locked it behind me. I turned on the shower to full blast. Hot showers where the key to wiping your paranoia away.  
Shower time was my time to reflect upon the day and I found myself at a loss because it was the beginning of the day. My ponderings began to return to the object of my affections. Her face appeared in my mind like an old worn photograph. Fed up with myself I shut of the shower and ran out the bathroom.  
I wrapped the towel around my wais t and went into my room, grabbed my bed sheets and proceeded to the laundry room. I bent down to get part of the sheet that was falling and lost my towel on the way. I just left it there and continued on my path. I packed all the stuff in the washer and poured in some bleach. I twisted the knob and the whooshing sound came on as it went into cycle.  
As soon as I came out of the laundry room a noise greeted me. "Ephram what are you doing", Delia asked me with a look of shock on her face. I looked down realizing I was extremely naked. I sputtered out a few sounds that I don't think resemble anything human like and continued to open my door and slam it behind me. "What a weird brother I have," I heard Delia mutter underneath her breath.  
I hate life. 


	5. thoughts to music

Song is Come as you are by Nirvana. I don't own Everwood I just use it to escape sometimes.  
  
On our way out of Everwood we drove by the Abbott's house where Amy was just coming out of the front door. My dad was about to stop by to say hello but I told him to keep going. He gave me a questioning glance but I just turned around and put on my CD player. Heavenly blasts of Nirvana came straining through. The batteries where dying. Man this was going to be a long ride.  
  
Come as you are, as you were  
As I want you to be  
  
Ever since I can remember Amy has always tried to be something she wasn't. My friend, Colin's girlfriend and the popular girl. We can never be just friends because even if she won't admit it there is something there. Why else would she have kissed me at the prom or the other times? She can lie as much as she wants but I see her for who she really is.  
  
As a friend, as a friend  
As an old enemy  
Take your time  
Hurry up  
The choice is yours  
Don't be late  
Take a rest  
As a friend  
  
The time for us to be together was never right for her. When I first came to care for her she was in love with a vegetable. The vegetable was standing, walking and had a name. When you lose the girl of your nightly nocturnal emissions to a guy in a coma it leaves you feeling pretty pathetic. When Colin left I was there to make her feel whole again but I didn't want to be her rebound guy. Then she was busy finding who she really was. Running around trying everything new. I was happy for her but not so happy for me.  
  
As an old...  
Memoria  
Memoria  
Memoria  
Memoria  
  
For the rest of my life Amy may just be in my memories. Every time I come here to Everwood I'm going to be breathing her in. Because she is Everwood to me. This little town wouldn't be the same one I know if Amy hadn't been in it.  
  
Come, doused in mud  
Soaked in bleach  
As I want you to be  
As a trend, as a friend As an old...  
Memoria  
Memoria  
  
Memoria  
  
Memoria  
  
I would take her anyway she came. She could be broken and I would still love her. Because that's what love to me is. Knowing you love someone, is taking them for who they are anyway they come. Not loving them any less for mistakes they have made along the path of finding you. But maybe neither of our paths are intertwined.  
  
And I swear that I don't have a gun  
No I don't have a gun  
No I don't have a gun  
  
I'm not the one who sabotaged are relationship from the start that was all Amy's doing. She never gave us a chance. I just wonder how things could have been.  
  
Memoria Memoria Memoria Memoria  
  
Why does everything have to remind me of her? Every time I see a person they begin to resemble Amy. She's everywhere. I've come to realize it isn't her haunting me it's the little piece of her that lives inside me that won't let me forget and move on. It makes me go on love her even though I know the feeling isn't mutual.  
The song came to an end and my little moment of incitement was over. Another song began and I laid back and looked out the window making up a story of how love came about. 


	6. first days and elevators

"Ephram where here", my fathers voice prodded me awake slowly. When I came to the realization that we where here I bolted upright taking in everything I saw. The weather was still hot here in Denver and everywhere I looked there where green mountains much like Everwood but it was a little of New York to. With all the hustle and bustle. There where people everywhere but the quiet calm was still maintained. My two favorite places combined in one Everwood and New York City.  
We drove, following the signs to the Highview dorm. Finally we reached the parking lot for Highview dormitories and we began to unload the few things I had bought for my stay at college. Fist we brought up the bed and Delia grabbed my duffel. I stopped at the check-in for incoming freshman and the pointed me to the elevator handed me some key and told me I was on the third floor.  
The bed, Dad, Delia and me barely all fit in the elevator. It was a tight squeeze and as soon as we got to the third floor we all unfolded ourselves out of the contraption. We made several wrong turns before we realized there where signs telling us where to go. When we reached 344 I took my keys out of my pocket and opened the door eagerly. I was one of the lucky ones since I was in the Highview dormitory it meant that I got a room alone. The dorms where smaller than the rest in other building but it suited me just fine. It was one of the newly renovated buildings so we all each had bathrooms adjoined to our rooms that we shared with the room next to us. I went through the bathroom and knocked on the door belonging to the other room but no one answered. We set up my bed and went back down for the rest of my stuff. Soon we where all laid out exhaustedly on my bed surrounded by a desk, TV, computer and mini-refrigerator. My clothes had already been put away in the small closet in the corner. I got up and made myself busy putting up numerous pictures of my family and friends and posters on the walls.  
After about half an hour we went down to the eating area to grab some food and pick up my eating card. The place was pretty vacant what with it not being much of an eating hour. 3:30 was pretty random. We chatted about how I liked the place and what classes I was taking. When the meal was over I headed back out to the parking lot with them and we did the good-bye routine. I was a little frightened about being left here all alone. I decided to be excited though and instead of taking the elevator I bounded up the stairs. I went into my dorm and flopped on my bed letting out a contented sigh. I retired into sleep as I slowly drifted off. 


	7. the life cylce

I looked around enthusiastically as we drove up. "Okay honey which one is your dorm. Thetra, Highview. York or Sedarland"? You said you where on the Southside right", my father looked at my questionably.  
"I'm in Highview Dad". "Here they sent me the key and floor number. I'm room 342 on the third floor." My dad nodded with understanding and followed the signs to my dormitory. I looked out at the landscape and smiled. It was still like Everwood but it had a different kind of element added to it. I made a mental note to figure out what that element was.  
We unloaded all my stuff. My dad popped a trolley out of the car to carry all the stuff up on. God could he look anymore stupid. As we got to the front Bright was out there waiting to greet us. He had stayed here over the summer to take some summer classes. He greeted me with a big hug and took my bag and backpack away from me saying let me carry that for you. We all went to the elevator and Bright and me stayed behind, knowing it would be impossible to squeeze us all in at once. "So Aames what have you been up to. You haven't called me all summer". "Bright the phone works both ways ya know." "Yeah, yeah, whatever you say". "How have did you classes go this summer", I looked at Bright's face and laughed. "Not so good eh Bright. I guess once again I'm still the good child".  
The elevator opened up and we both stepped in with Bright still giving me his pouty face. He should know by now that isn't going to work on me. Bright went on to tell me that he had swung a few things with the people who set out who gets what dorm room and had gotten us to be right across fro each other.  
"Urg, Bright will you never learn. Being across from your brother's dorm room is not an appetizing situation." I looked at Bright with a mock look of distaste. "Amy, Amy will you never learn you cant get away from me no matter how hard you try."  
Mom and Dad where outside my door waiting for Bright and I to make it up. I grabbed the key out of my purse and opened my door reveling a small modest room with the door to the bathroom on the left and a small closet in the corner on the right. Soon everything was set up. I had the basic necessities. A twin bed, my Gateway computer, a small sized refrigerator and a couple other things. I put my trunk underneath my bed along with my duffel because I didn't really feel comfortable putting away my unmentionables with my father looking on.  
After about an hour or so It was time for mom and dad to leave. I went down with them and waved goodbye as they pulled out. I felt a twinge of abandonment when their car disappeared. I never liked feeling alone. That's why I was so happy to find out Ephram was going to go here and then I remembered that this was also Bright's college.  
I went into the lobby of the dormitory and suddenly felt very lost. Now which way was I supposed to go again? Suddenly I caught site of Bright and raced toward him letting out a sigh of relief. He just gave me a knowing smile.  
"It happened the first time I came here to. It's a big place but you figure it out eventually. I wasn't so lucky though, I didn't have a big strong brother to lead the way for me." I replied to Bright's comment by giving him an elbow to the stomach. 


	8. broken angel

Once I got back in my room I flopped on m bed and realized I hadn't spoken to the person who's room was on the other side of mine. I opened my bathroom door and went across and knocked on the door. I heard a loud thump and a groan. Then padded steps could be heard through the other side of the door. The door flung open and I looked on in shock at the person standing across from me.  
"you have got to be kidding me", Ephram spoke angrily. Where ever I go somehow we end up In someway with each other. It's to much".  
"Well it's not like I had this all planned out or anything Ephram. Being adjoined to you isn't fulfilling my wildest fantasies,' I growled back my voice dripping with sarcasm.  
"This is just to much. Do I never get a break? I can't be near you like this. Everything always goes wrong when I'm near you." Ephram looked away. I could see a look of guilt come across his face as soon as the words came out.  
"Don't you dare blame me for anything that happened back then. You did your share of wrecking to." With that I walked back into my room slamming the door behind me. I proceeded to sit on the edge of my bed and cry. Why did everything always have to be so confusing? Why couldn't I just say everything that was in my heart? I knew why though, I've always known why. It's not my heart that I'm afraid of getting broken; it's Ephram's. I care so much about him seeing him in pain, especially that I caused, would just kill me.  
I realized a long time ago I've really grown up. A while ago I would have been scared of my feelings getting crushed or how my heart would get broken. But I guess that's what love does to you. It's when your always thinking about the other persons feelings instead of your own. I was horrible to Ephram when he first came here. I couldn't deny the truth if Ephram ever asked me if I loved him, because even when I was with Colin or any of my other rebound guys I was always replacing there faces with Ephram's. It isn't him who could never get me; it's me who could never get him. But I'm not that dorky, little brat anymore. I'm older and hopefully more mature. This time I'm ready for love but maybe love just doesn't want me.  
What can I say to the boy who haunts my mind and makes my heat flutter non-stop. How can I look him the eye without him seeing all the feeling I feel for him.  
I got off my bed quickly and walked and opened my door carefully breathing in swiftly each time it squeaked. Ephram had never gotten up to close the door and it gave me a perfect view of him. I just looked at him through the crack in the door and watched him. He was so angelic. He was on the floor leaning up against his bed with his knees drawn up to him and his head leaning down to his knees. His back was moving up and down softly. I looked further form him to a broken picture frame on the ground. I stood up straighter trying to see the object of the picture. I took in a small breath, his mother's face laid in the center of the glassy wreckage. I looked closer at him, his hands where bleeding most likely from getting scarped up by the glass.  
Everything in me was screaming to go to him, hold him and try to make everything okay. But I knew that I wasn't th one who could make everything okay. That was his father but the best I could do was a little closer by. 


	9. chit chats

"Listen Bright can you do me a favor, please?" "Sure Amy whatever you ask, your wish is my command." "Okay, well here goes. Well you remember the talks you and Colin used to have? I was wondering if you would maybe have one of those talks with Ephram because he's having a bit of a problem with, well, I don't really know what. He can tell you I suppose."  
"Amy you know Ephram isn't my favorite person in the world, but alas since you are asking I will do ask you ask. Happy?" "Yes, Bright happy is what I am, thank you." Amy turned to leave but then turned back and enveloped Bright in a huge hug. "Bright you are the most idiotic person in the world, but you are also the best brother. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I knocked on the door softly but then a feeling of guilt overwhelmed me because I was doing this as a favor to Amy, so I knocked at a normal pace. After a few moments passed by and no one came to answer the door I quietly turned the knob until the door swung open. The door revealed an Ephram with red; tear trails down his cheeks and him sitting in a sea of broken shards of glass. I went and took a seat next to him making sure to scoot away a couple pieces of stray glass.  
"Listen dude, um Amy told me you where having a little trouble with something. I was hoping you would tell me what it is." "Bright I don't need Amy's sympathy or your pity. I'm fine on my own, always have been. I'm a big boy; I can tie my own shoes and everything. I don't need anything from anyone, especially you."  
"I am in here because Amy asked but I could have found a way out of it or not have agreed to do this. I'm here for you, to help you. Not just because Amy asked me, but because your not such a bad guy. Please just spill, I mean it can't be that awful." Ephram stood up abruptly and stopped over to the other side of the room.  
YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY I'M ANGRY. BECAUSE MY WHOLE LIFE SINCE I MOVED TO THIS BLASTED TOWN HAS BEEN RULED OVER BY A GIRL. ALL MY EMOTIONS DEPEND ON AMY WHEN SHE'S SAD IM SAD, WHEN SHE'S HAPPY I'M HAPPY. I JUST WANT IT ALL TO STOP. I WANT TO KNOW HOW TO STOP LOVING A GIRL WHO'S IN LOVE WITH A DEAD GUY.  
With that, Ephram sat down in a huff, his chest heaving in and out. His face looked taken back with guilt. "I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that I know Colin was a friend of yours."  
"Don't sweat it man. I'm not going to hold you accountable for things you say or do when you're angry. Shit happens." I stood up and started picking up the fragments of glass and placing them in the garbage can. "Since the dawn of time Ephram, girls have tortured us man kind with there sex-appeal and the um, eh, other things they torture us with. Anyways I don't particularly like that you have these feelings about Amy, but I know she has certain feelings about you to. All I can say is I'm glad it's you instead of her having to have feelings for a whole new breed of freak." Ephram gave a silent laugh and stood up helping me until all the glass was discarded and cleaned up off the ground.  
"Listen I have to go meet the R.A. for this building to go over a few things but if you need to talk I'll be home in like an hour or so." "I think I'll be okay I mean it was just a love breakdown. I've had them before and I can deal. Cya" I walked out the door and raced down the corridor. I didn't have a meeting with Missy the R.A. soon I had it like 10 minutes ago. 


	10. forever feelings and constant goodbyes

"Amy what do you want me to say to you? I can't make everything go away with a few simple words. Trust me I know. Losing someone you love takes a long time to get over. Truthfully you never get over it but your able to go on with life without feeling your suffocating and drowning in all that life it without the person to pull you back up." A nostalgic look filled Ephram's handsome features. He was remembering pain long forgotten and lost in the past. "Why does it hurt so bad? I feel like I'll never truly feel awake again. Like I'm inches from the top of the water, from a beautiful sun but something won't let me pop up for air. Ephram I miss him so much. I keep thinking of the future and how many things he won't be there for, are high school gradation, the prom, college and life. He's just not going to be there. But I guess he never really was after he came out of the coma. I was never blinded by love for him when he came back because I didn't love him it was just be living out a ridiculous fantasy where nothing could ever come between him and me. He was my first love and always will be but what scares me is I feel like its time to move on and he has just died. I feel guilty, like I am betraying him or something." Amy leaned over and sunk her body's weight into Ephram, letting him softly brush the hair away form her eyes and the tears away form her cheeks. "There's no betrayal in giving into your feelings. If you feel in your heart its time to move on than it is. Listen to what your heart and head is telling you, trust yourself. Amy you have never guided me wrong, I don't think in the end you will guide yourself wrong either. Things take time though, you can't just expect to move on in the snap of someone's fingers." "You don't understand, I've been moving on ever since he came out of that blasted coma. I was just going through the motions, playing the dutiful girlfriend. I was living a fantasy Ephram but it wasn't about Colin and me, it was you and I. I knew somehow even with the hand that I was dealt the world could never come between you and me. I felt loyalty still to the first Colin though. The one you never knew. Whose smile could light up the world and my face. It was perfect, but I should have known nothing stays perfect for long. I thought I knew exactly what I wanted and exactly who I was, but then you came along and made me realize I was never that person. I was living in sheer ignorance until you and you purple hair made its way into my life." "Amy why are you telling me all this now! It's never going to be the right time for us. We both got dealt sucky hands. It's the way you play them that counts and I guess I never even stayed I the game long enough to fold or continue. I gave up before it even started. I can't be with you like you want Amy. I lost trust in you a long time ago. You betrayed me. You told me lies even after my father did the operations. You just wanted someone who would always be there and I understand that, everyone does. But you never really believed in me, form the start I would have always been there for you. I never once failed you and I never will. I'll always be here for you as a friend, but not some passing rebound guy to settle your fears, I won't play the whispering lover who you'll never tell anyone about, and I can't be your savior. I will never be Colin, and I won't try. Amy let out gasping tears as Ephram headed for the door. She looked up just as the door slammed shut. She slid off her bed and onto the floor heaving silent sobs and heavy gasps for air. She reached her hand up blindly to where her dresser was and pulled down a picture frame of her and Colin. She laid and soft kiss on the frames glass cover and dabbed at her eyes with some tissues Ephram had left on the floor. She placed the picture back in its rightful spot, opened her door and promptly ran out of her house into the world she could now truly see without all the pain, confusion, and haunting coming back to her. She could no longer smell Colin's scent everywhere or see his mop of dark brown hair on every person she saw. She was free form her feelings for him because they where now in the past. Not to be forgotten, but still in the past. She gazed upon the mountains with a new sense of calm and waited for the day to begin as the first light of the sun shown.  
  
Now Amy was here three years later looking at the same picture of her and Colin she looked at that very day. She still had feelings for him but she couldn't explain how they no longer seemed to be constant. Like now it was just a part of her, something she kept of him when he left. She knew somehow that he was all right and that he was looking over her. He had been forever, now it was just in a different way. "I'll always love you Colin Hart, I hope you understand what I feel and why I do what I do. Goodbye for now. 


	11. needs and wants

Ephram laid in hid bed willing sleep to come over him but mo such luck. His mind began to automatically to think of Amy, like it always did when he couldn't fill his thoughts with someone or something else. He thought back to their junior year when all it was, was fighting with themselves. They both knew the passion was there but neither of them could do a thing about it. Ephram was with a girl from his science class, Lynn. He liked her but it was more of a gesture of moving on from Amy more so than for anything else. Amy was with Chris. He was just another Colin, basketball star and jock. He and Bright got along great but it was at a time when Bright still hadn't accepted the death of his dear friend. When Chris dumped Amy because he said the feelings just weren't right, she came back to Ephram looking for comfort. He helped her through but he could tell she wanted more than that. But then again Amy could never really decide what she wanted. Ephram knew if he gave her a chance she would be want to go out, but he didn't want to be just another guy making a brief stop in her life, he wanted to be the one that would always be on her mind. He wanted to be the one. She waited for him one day during the week after homecoming. That was the first of many fights to come that year.  
  
"Hey E what's going on," Amy said as she walked to him and leaned against the brick wall of the school. "Just taking a breather, I have study hall right now with Mrs. Minder and you know how she is, plus no one else would even remember I'm in that class, so it's all good." I leaned a little farther to the left so that me and Amy's arms where no longer touching. She didn't seem to notice so I kept on with the conversation."  
"So what are you doing here, you have lunch right about now don't you?" "Yeah but Bright is acting like a total loser, trying to drink a whole gallon of orange juice in one minute. It's disgusting. Anyways I wanted to be alone for a little but to, just to contemplate a few things."  
"Oh well in that case I'll just leave so you can get to some thinking," I stated brashly. We hadn't been getting along very well considering Amy for some reason or another had been ignoring me.  
"Don't be silly Eph, I probably think better when you're around anyways." "Listen Amy I really should be getting inside the period is almost over anyways," I added in nonchalantly. "Why won't you just talk to me? I'm not having the best of days here and the one friend that's always been here for me suddenly decides just to ignore me," Amy spat out loudly. She slid down the side of the wall and ended up in a sitting position. "Me, Me, I'm not the one whose been doing the ignoring Amy. For the first time I am positive I have had nothing to with this at all. It's you Amy, all you. You ignored me, can you blame me for returning the favor," I yelled loudly. Since the beginning of this year you have barely said two words to me. I can't just be here when ever you want me to. That's not what a friendship is. Before this year I considered you a friend, but I've come to realize your nothing to me at all. I tried to be there for you, to show you someone cared. Every time I told you something was wrong with Colin you brushed it of, but you didn't mind throwing my faults in my face. Maybe you where right a long time ago, I should have moved on. Goodbye Amy. "Ephram wait! Stop it. You're acting like a big baby." "Whatever Amy think what you will, but I'm sick of always being there and never getting anything in return.  
I never got any tears from arguments mostly, not like Colin had. She wasn't sad to see me go, she was angry. I saw it in her face and eyes every time we saw each other. Somehow knowing where we stood made things easier for me. Later that day is when I asked out Lynn Carter. Just to prove to Amy I was moving on. I always felt bad about it because she got into the middle of a fight that would break her heart. I never realized how much she truly cared for me. All I saw was Amy. Amy and Chris. Again I was on the losing side of an argument because I knew I still wanted her. To hold her, smell her, kiss her. I wanted the feeling of her arms around me. Whether I wanted to believe it or not, it wasn't just her who need me it was me who needed her.  
  
And I still do. 


	12. past grievences

"Look Amy, I'm really sorry about earlier. I really fucked everything up and overreacted. I just, everything that is happening to me is a little overwhelming. This place brings back so many old feelings that I had when I was in New York. I hate myself for not being able to go to New York because I stayed here for two reasons, one because this is where home is and the second one I rather keep to myself, at least for now. I really am sorry for all that I said and did. I really didn't mean anything I said and I'm happy to be going through a new part of my life with you there. It really does feel right."  
"Ephram, I can switch rooms if you like and give you some space. I'm sure Bright could arrange it." Amy reached up to tuck her hair behind her ears nervously.  
"No, don't do that. Everything is perfect the way it is, I mean unless you want to". "No, no I don't want that at all. I'm fine to." "I'm sorry for everything Ephram and when I say that I mean everything. Everything since we first met. I haven't been the greatest friend in the world and I really, truly am sorry about that.  
"Amy don't beat yourself up about it, it's in the past. "The past effects the future E. I know you resent me for everything I said and did and I can't change how stupid I acted when I was in high school, I can't make you understand why I did what I did because I truthfully don't know why. I can say that I am sorry though. If I could change it I would. I know sorry doesn't make it any better but I will just have to show you. I won't abandon you, for a change I'm going to be there for you"  
"Sounds nice." I smiled up at Amy. A real smile not one of my normal sarcastic ones. She leaned in and gave me a hug, her normal smell of vanilla intoxicated me but I pushed the feelings away. Maybe just maybe we could be friends. Just friends. 


End file.
